Taming the Beast
by finem
Summary: Goku attempts to gain control of his other half, but there are unexpected concequences to his actions. Rated T for some language.
1. normal rules don't apply

Ok…so even tho I've been writing for years, this is the first time I've ventured into actually putting anything out for others to see. I'm hoping that if other people are interested in my work, it'll encourage me to write more. I am extremely put-out by incomplete fanfiction, so I'll do my best to finish everything that I choose to post. Feedback, of course, is welcome. Saiyuki and all of its characters, of course, don't belong to me…so don't bother suing…I'm really not worth the trouble.

And so…here goes…my first shot at posted fanfiction! WEEEE! XD

**I. normal rules don't apply**

_He remembered joy…contentment. He was happy. Completely at peace. If there were the occasional argument or scolding, it was still ok. Even when the sun's light shone harshly, it still brought life…sustained existence. It was alright. He was happy. _

_But then shadow fell. Something had blocked out the sun and all that was left was cold emptiness. He was alone and afraid, but there was nothing left for him, nowhere he belonged. That was long, long ago…_

Goku woke to the glaring sun in his eyes. Somehow, it made him momentarily very sad. That is, until his brain caught up to him. _Shit!_ He'd fallen asleep again! And what the hell was in his nose. He swatted a hand at his face and two cigarette butts fell into his lap.

"_WHAT THE HELL IS THIS YOU ERO KAPPA!"_

"Hey, what else am I supposed to do to entertain myself? Your snoring gets really old, really fast."

"So what? Sleeping is an invitation for you to shove your gross cigarettes in my nose?"

"Well, I wanted to go for your mouth but your breath is so bad that the cigarettes disintegrated on contact."

"WHAT? _YOU'RE_ TALKING TO _ME_ ABOUT BAD BREATH? With all the cigarettes you smoke it's a shocker anyone can come within miles of your stink!

"BIG WORDS FROM SOMEONE WHO ALWAYS SMELLS LIKE A WALKING GARBAGE DISPOSAL!"

"AT LEAST I'M NOT A LOSER SMOKER WITH YELLOW TEETH AND A BAD ATTITUDE!"

Sudden gunshots rang out in the desert heat.

"IF YOU TWO IDIOTS DON'T CUT IT OUT YOU WON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT HOW EITHER OF YOU SMELL BECAUSE YOU'LL BOTH BE DEAD!" Goku looked up, chagrined, at the monk standing over him. He could almost see the vein pulsing at his temple in irritation.

"Now Sanzo, I'm not responsible for what happens to those who fire weapons and stand in a moving vehicle." Hakkai's calm voice interjected itself into the argument. "Please sit down and refrain from firing inside of Jeep." Goku breathed a sigh of relief as Sanzo's irritation found a new target. He sent Hakkai a silent thank you and settled in the back pointedly ignoring Gojyo and pretending to brood. No one seemed to have noticed anything odd which was good; business as usual. He had almost reached his goal; he just needed a little bit more time. If he could just head off their suspicions for a bit longer, he'd have a wonderful surprise for everyone. The youth bit his lip in anticipation and focused on the surrounding desert willing himself to stay awake.

Hakkai surveyed the sky. It was getting dark. They wouldn't come to the next town for another several hours, and judging by the dense forest they were now traveling through, it would probably not be wise to continue traveling after dark.

"Well everyone, it looks like we'll be camping out again tonight." He said with his ever present grin. As expected, the announcement was met by a chorus of groans from the back seat and a barely perceptible grunt from his left. He fully understood the frustrations of spending yet another night outdoors, but the weather was fair, the sky clear, and in truth he didn't mind it so much. Some of the inns where they had stayed had been much worse.

He found a lovely clearing near a river. The water sparkled in the steadily dying light, the tree line broke to reveal tall rocks by the water, perfect for jumping, and he had the sudden urge to take some much needed R&R. There was enough light and heat left in the day that a quick swim was still possible.

"This looks good Jeepu. We'll stop here for the night." There were no complaints from the rest of the group at his choice of camp sites. Indeed, Gojyo and Goku had already removed their packs from the Jeep and were running towards the water's edge.

"Please remember to collect fire wood for the night before it gets too dark!" He called after the retreating duo. They called vague affirmations over their shoulders and continued to towards the water, trailing removed clothing in their wake. "Will you be joining us, Sanzo?" Hakkai turned to his eternally grumpy friend who was surveying the two playing in the water with every appearance of distaste. He grunted.

"Maybe if I go over and wish hard enough, they'll manage to drown each other." With that, Sanzo began stripping from his robes to change into a pair of swimming trunks. Hakkai followed suit.

For the next hour or so, the group took-up the rare opportunity for them to be the young adults that they were. Even Sanzo couldn't resist the pull of the slow flowing water and the deep holes that had been formed by the current over time. Goku and Gojyo wrestled, Hakkai discovered that there were fish in the water and managed to catch a couple. Sanzo explored some of the deeper swimming holes, diving expertly from the rocks. It was a good end to a good day.

As the day ended however, eyes were drawn more and more often to a certain high spirited boy who was not as high spirited as he used to be. Goku was fading fast. Normally, play time left the youngest member of their group overflowing with energy. Tonight should have been very interesting with Goku up to his usual antics while Gojyo egged him on and Sanzo threatened violence on both of them; however, even before they had grudgingly pulled themselves from the river to set up camp, it was plane to see that Goku was struggling to keep up with everyone else.

Hakkai finished cooking their fish stew and served up portions for each of them making sure to spoon extra into Goku's bowl. Here, Goku showed more energy than he had all night as he greedily consumed his stew and bread in a few greedy mouthfuls. He was eating like a starving man; more so than usual.

When he finished, he looked down into his bowl looking somewhat dejected. The first crickets of the evening began chirping quietly and Goku looked up as though finally noticing the awkward silence that had befallen the group. He turned to Gojyo preparing to speak, not doubt making an attempt to keep up appearances, but Hakkai cut him off.

"Goku, why don't you go lay out your bed roll. We'll let you know when it's your turn to keep watch.

"What? Why? It's too early to go to bed! I wanna stay up with you guys!" Goku sounded so much like a small child at that moment that it brought a rare, true smile to Hakkai's face as he set aside his meal and walked over to where Goku sat, helping him up from his seat.

"Now now, Goku. Children must listen to their parents and do as they say."

"Hey! What's that supposed to mean!" Goku put up a token protest, but it was not particularly convincing and before Hakkai had returned to his seat by the fire, the youth was already asleep.

"I don't know what we're going to do about this." Hakkai said picking up his bowl.

"We're gonna tell the idiot to stop doing whatever the hell he's doing." Gojyo piped in. He had just finished his stew and was reaching into his pocket for a cigarette. "Cause this really sucks. I'm bored out of my head 'cause all he ever wants to do anymore is sleep. What the hell is up with the saru anyway?"

"I'm honestly not sure," was Hakkai's response. "All I know is that the more time that passes, the more I am reminded of his other self. Everyday, we travel he feels more and more like the creature released when his limiter shatters. It's almost like he is drawing strength from that other personality, but with his limiter, I don't know how that would even be possible—"

"He's a heresy." Sanzo, who had been silent up until this point, spoke quietly, but the words carried through the stillness of the night. "Born from the aura of the earth itself, his creation was never ordained by the gods. I can only assume that he was locked in that cave because they didn't know what else to do with him, but when it comes to Goku," he set aside his bowl, lit a cigarette, and took a long drag from it before finishing his sentence, "normal rules don't apply."

"So basically what you're saying is that we don't know what might happen if he does manage to somehow sneak around his limiter." Gojyo threw the butt of a cigarette into the fire as he spoke, pulling another cigarette from his pocket. "For all we know, we could just be waiting for that psycho to wake up again and tear us all a new one."

"There's no way that I'd let a chibi saru like that get in my way." Sanzo murmured around his cigarette. "Of course I'm watching to make sure he doesn't screw it up."

"So you've known all along what he's been doing and you never said anything?" Gojyo let his cigarette dangle at the corner of his mouth as he addressed the monk. "Why Sanzo-sama, I think I'm hurt."

"Sanzo's right though," Hakkai interjected. "If Goku does manage to master his other self, if he can gain complete control of his power, it would work out for the best for all of us in the end. We wouldn't have to worry about him losing control anymore and honestly, that kind of power would be very useful in our efforts to stop the rise of Gyumao."

"Yeah," Gojyo said throwing another cigarette butt into the fire while lighting yet another cigarette. "But I still think we're putting a lot of faith in 'if'."

Far off somewhere else, ever watchful eyes were monitoring the group's progress.

"Kanzeon Bosatsu!" The deity ignored hir eternally agitated companion's incessant nagging. "Is it really alright that the child is attempting to circumvent his restraints? The council will not be pleased with this—"

"The council won't care what happens as long as the brat doesn't break anything." The kami turned hir focus momentarily away from the group whose journey was so important to maintaining balance in the world, and looked off into the ever-present luminescence of Tenkai. "Who knows," she said more to hirself than to hir aid, weighing the potentials and probabilities of the situation, "maybe the saru will actually pull it off and we won't have to bother watching him so closely anymore. Besides, if nothing else, this is sure to become very interesting."

"But surely if word of this reaches—"

"There's no reason that anyone other than the two of us should know about this." The kami was suddenly very serious. "This group was assigned to me and me alone. Only I am permitted such close surveillance due to the many enemies those four made during their time here. As it is my nephew and his companions we are dealing with, I am responsible for deciding what will and will not jeopardize their mission." She relaxed again. "The way I figure, the events that are transpiring will actually guarantee the success of this mission. Don't worry so much, Jiroushin. Sit back and observe. This should be loads of fun."

Unnoticed by the duo, a lone shadow hurried away from the Bosatsu's court.


	2. nope, nothin’ strange here

Don't sue me…I don't own these characters or this series and I know it. Feedback is a beautiful thing. The adventure continues…

**II. nope, nothin' strange here**

_What was going on? He was with Sanzo, Hakkai, and Gojyo, but he didn't remember a time when any of them looked the way they do now. Sanzo's hair had never been that long before, and where were his robes? Why was Gojyo's hair so dark? His eyes too…and Hakkai…he was just all wrong. He was never this messy…and when did he start smoking? And why was everyone so much taller than him! _

"_Goku!"_

_This was weird, but it was them…it was definitely them. He never felt this comforted or protected around anyone else. _

"_Goku!"_

_Wait…Hakkai was talking to Sanzo…but he wasn't calling him Sanzo…what was the name he was saying? It seemed like he should know, after all he used it every day. It was right at the tip of his brain…z? Why was it so hard to remember K—_

"_GET UP YOU DUMBASS APE!"_

Gojyo blocked yet another attack as more and more youkai poured out of the surrounding forest. It had been almost a minute since he had called the alert to the others. Sanzo and Hakkai were up instantaneously, even Jeep was clawing at faces at Hakkai's back, but Goku was just lying there, sleeping like the dead.

"Goku!" He called to the saru hoping that a more direct approach would be more fruitful. No such luck. But what he did seem to accomplish was alerting several of the soon-to-be-departed youkai that easy prey lie just beneath the old oak to their right. _Great. _He thought to himself as he moved to intercept.

"Goku!" He called to the still unmoving youth. What the hell? Was he dead or something? More youkai stormed into their little clearing. Now Gojyo was really getting annoyed. He was supposed to be enjoying a smoke and checking out the magazine he'd picked up in the last town right now, dammit! Why should he have to fight this idiot's battles for him?

"GET UP YOU UDMBASS APE!" He not-so-gently shoved the saru off his bedroll with his foot just as a blade came crashing down where Goku had been moments before.

"Huh? Is it time for breakfast already," were the first words out of the idiot's mouth. Typical.

"NO IT'S NOT TME FOR BREAKFAST YOU DUMBASS! WE'RE UNDER ATTACK!"

"Wha?" Goku asked blearily surveying their surroundings. "Oh." And he rolled over to lay back down! Gojyo was sure that he was going to pop something…preferably a certain saru's head.

"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!"

"I'm trying to sleep," came a whining response.

"IF I CAN'T SLEEP NEITHER CAN YOU!"

"Looks like you guys are doing fine…"

"HEY!" A group of youkai had noticed the bickering. "YOU IGNORE US AND YOU DIE!" cried the leader charging the two. His lackeys followed.

"STAY OUT OF IT!" Goku and Gojyo jointly yelled. They turned on the charging group, calling their weapons to hand. The two made quick work of the youkai, Goku finally getting up to join in the fight. Moments later it was all over, and Goku promptly turned to Gojyo returning to their argument as the last stragglers fled for their lives.

"You woke me up for that?"

"Chibi saru should take care of their share of the chores.

"Who you calling chibi you perverted cockroach!"

Gunshots fire

"If you two are quite done…we're leaving." Sanzo didn't look very pleased about having his sleep interrupted as he turned his back on the bickering duo.

"Che!" Gojyo muttered as he let go of the ape to begin collecting his things. "Damn idiots, ruining a perfectly good day." He reached into his pocket to grab another cigarette and sighed as he heard Goku wining about something off to his side. "What now, baka?"

"My bedroll's all cut up." The chimp moaned holding up the shredded remains of what used to be a perfectly good bedroll.

"Sucks to be you. Maybe that'll teach you to wake up when people swing pointy things at you."

"Hey—"

"Do you both want to die?" Sanzo's interjection ended the discussion and the group had the site cleared and Jeep packed by first light.

"This seriously sucks." Gojyo commented with a yawn. "If we hadn't already killed all those guys, I'd kick their asses for this."

"Well what's done is done." Hakkai commented from the driver's seat. Gojyo noticed that his smile was little bit more brittle that usual and knew that his pal was just as annoyed as everyone else. That little insight somehow made him feel better. "Shall we go?" Came Hakkai's deceptively cheery query, and with a slightly sharper burst of speed than usual, the dragon-jeep and its four passengers headed into the forest, driving away from the rising sun. Gojyo was sure that the two fallen youkai that Hakkai happened to run over on the way out was purely by accident.

Goku was not happy. He hadn't even been able to wake up this time. What if the situation had been worse? What if the others had really been in danger? Would he have just lain there sleeping while his entire world was ripped from him yet again?

_Again? _

Where had that come from? Whatever. What was important right now was figuring out how to get done with what he was doing as quickly as possible so that he could stop slipping-up already! He sat in the jeep as they drove over a country road contemplating his plan and the events that had led him to this course of action. He was doing the right thing wasn't he? He _had_ to get stronger. Everyone's lives depended on it! He momentarily flashed back to the night when they had faced the insane monk-turned-demon-slayer. He shivered in revulsion remembering the staff that pierced Sanzo's body that night, all because of him, because he wasn't strong enough. He would not allow it to happen again!

That was when this had all started. He'd promised Hakkai the next day as they both sat beside a still healing Sanzo that he would get stronger, and for once, he was focusing on staying true to that commitment; for them. And he didn't even want to think about the other events of that night. The others all thought that he had forgotten. No such luck. He had flashes of memory. Well…no, that wasn't quite right. All he knew was that at night sometimes as he drifted at the very edge of sleep, he would be gifted with half remembered moments of absolute freedom; the kind of freedom his limiter was meant to prevent. He felt himself sinking fangs into flesh, and at the very edge of his consciousness, he could feel that the person was someone he loved and should never hurt…much less enjoy hurting.

And that was the most terrifying thing about his other self. Without even realizing it, he could destroy everything; all that was dear to him, everything precious in the world, and he would love every second of it…and that was just not ok. So here he was now, concentrating on a goal with more focus than he had ever mustered in his life, yet he was also screwing it up!

He hadn't counted on the fatigue, or the hunger, or any of the crap he was now struggling against. Even now, despite the fact that he definitely got the most sleep out of the entire group, he was exhausted! He sat watching Gojyo doze next to him trying to figure out what to do about his situation. Then he blinked and they were stopping, the sun hanging above the western horizon.

_What?_

Goku looked up. Gojyo was saying something to him, but he was having issues understanding him…something about sleeping through lunch? That would defiantly explain the raw gaping hole where his stomach should be. It was actually pretty ironic. He'd always complained about how he was so hungry that he couldn't even move. This was the first time that statement was so close to being true. Gojyo had still been talking to him…trying to pick a fight or something, but Goku just didn't have the strength at the moment to pay much attention. He was focusing too much on walking straight. What the hell was wrong with him!

He felt himself gracelessly stumble from the jeep, but he managed to right himself before falling over which pleased him immensely. If he could just get into the inn, get some food, and lay down for a second, he would be fine. The others wouldn't notice a thing. Everyone was pretty tired from their early morning. He was sure that everyone had to be a little stumbly. There was nothing odd about his behavior; nope, nothin' strange here. Everything would be fine…he just had to get inside. Goku walked directly into the door frame.

The ape is being a dumbass again. Sanzo looked on with annoyance as the youngest and potentially most powerful member of their group stumbled drunkenly about trying to enter the inn where they would be staying. The increasingly irritated monk was doing his best to reign in his temper though. He was very proud of himself for not even pulling his gun when the idiot walked square into the door frame. He was calling far too much attention to them, and that was the last thing that they needed especially after the rude awakening they'd had earlier. This was absolutely unacceptable. Hakkai must have noticed the monk's annoyance as he was swift to go the Goku's aid.

Sanzo entered the inn only to be greeted by more annoyance. Apparently there was a carnival in town and the inn was booked solid except for one room. Sanzo would have been more than happy to take the room and let everyone else figure out their own accommodations, but such actions would surely be met by the annoying flapping of three mouths which would only call more attention to them. They would have to share...again. Why did it always work out like this?

Sighing, Sanzo took their room key and headed up the stairs without a word to the others. They know by now to follow. The saru was almost behaving normally, with some chi prodding from Hakkai. It was almost weird not to hear the usual whining and complaints from Goku. It was also a bit disconcerting to see that certain physical changes were taking place in the youth that had never appeared before. He seemed to be losing weight rapidly…he really did look like he was starving. That was just damn strange for a person who had gone 500 years without food and emerged from his cave looking like a perfectly healthy, if somewhat withdrawn, child. Sanzo had no desire to admit to the twinge of concern that stabbed at his gut.

"Sanzo," It was Hakkai who had settled Goku on the bed. The kid was sort of staring off into space. "Perhaps it would be best if we ate in our room this evening." That was Hakkai's not so subtle reminder that they needed to order food…from the way Goku was looking, a lot of food. Sanzo sighed, annoyed. He walked back out of the room to find their host and make the order; twice as much as they usually get. Why he should waste so much effort on that idiot monkey was beyond Sanzo's comprehension. All he knew was that he did not care at all for how unnerving it was to walk back into the room and find Goku exactly where he had been when the monk had left. The room was filled with an awkward silence while the group waited for the food. Goku was the only one who didn't seem to notice.

The arrival of the food actually caused more awkwardness. At first glance, the way that Goku inhaled his food was very much in the same obnoxious fashion as usual, but there was a very subtle and very obvious difference. Always before, there was a certain relish with which Goku consumed. If nothing else, the brat had a love for a well cooked meal. Right now, there was nothing but desperation in the way he ate, as if anything could have been put in front of him and he would have eaten it without caring what it tasted like as long as it filled him. It just wasn't normal, and deviations did not make Sanzo happy at all.

When all the dishes are finished, Goku sat over the plates gasping as though he just ran a few miles. He stops and looks up as if just noticing the others in the room, then smiles and stretches as if nothings wrong.

"I think I'll turn in now guys." He says yawning and turning towards the bed. Hakkai and Gojyo have to physically restrain the Sanzo from attacking the hapless youth.

"We'll talk to him about it tomorrow." Hakkai told him calmly.

"Besides," Gojyo added, "Nothings getting through to him tonight. His skull seems to be thicker than usual."

They all decided to go to sleep after that. It had been a long day after all. The others let Goku keep the bed that night in light of the fact that A) no one wanted to hear him whiling about his slashed bedroll, and B) they were secretly all too freaked out by his recent behavior to deny him. They turned of the lights and lay in the dark for a while, three buzzing minds listening to the snores one sleeping saru.


	3. It was just a dream

All disclaimers apply. Not mine blah blah…don't sue blah…Hey look! More story!

**III. It was just a dream**

Goku felt so much better after eating! It was like he was alive again! He felt that tonight he definitely had the energy to venture into another tapping session. A little bit more of his power from the other side of his barrier and he'd be that much closer to reaching his goal! He'd fallen into a twilight sleeping state almost instantly after laying down. Even as he could almost hear himself snoring, he was probing at the ever-weakening barrier that separated himself form his true power. For the past several weeks he had been visiting this barrier, prodding at it with his already formidable strength. Even still, it was pretty much impossible to get beyond the seal. After all, it had been the gods themselves who placed that seal on him. He didn't expect that it would be easy to get around that kind of power.

It was actually an accident that he discovered the loophole…well…it wasn't exactly a loophole. It was just kinda strange. He had been fighting the barrier for a while, struggling with all of his strength. It seem like the more he struggled though, the stronger the barrier stood against him. He had begun losing hope. He pulled away from the limiter's strength for a moment one night trying to think. As he reached deeper and deeper into himself trying to figure something out, trying to think like Hakkai or Sanzo would, he noticed something strange about the barrier between himself and the rest of his power. A small glimmer of strength seemed to be seeping away from it. He just barely turned his attention towards that power with no intention of attacking the barrier again, and the power sort of just came to him. He wasn't quite sure why, but that's how it happened.

After that, the process had been pretty straight forward. When he went to sleep, he would revisit the barrier and keep himself focused on that space for a time, and after a while, small sips of power would move towards him as though he attracted it like a magnet. The more power he was able to absorb, the larger the sips would become. Simple as that.

He hovered now at the very edge of his power, very near to sleep. As he waited, again, the power sought him out. He felt the energy merge with him, and as always before, he somehow felt just a little bit more complete.

With every one of his visits, the barrier seemed to be getting weaker. At his current power, he was sure that he'd probably be able to break through and release his full strength all at once, but he was also pretty sure that if he did that, he would not be able to control that power in his current condition. So he accepted the small amount of energy that had come to him, then allowed himself to drift fully into sleep. And in doing so…he dreamed…

_Again…Sanzo, Gojyo, Hakkai, all there, yet all very different. He didn't understand what was going on, but he felt that it was somehow important that he figure it out, and soon. He allowed himself too observe himself and his friends as one could in dreams, trying to understand the nagging feeling that all of this should have made perfect sense somehow. _

_Even as he sat watching though, an overwhelming since of foreboding flooded him launching his heart into his throat. He turned to not-Gojyo to find empty, dead eyes staring back at him. Goku's vision began to fade to red. He turned to not-Hakkai who lay bleeding beside not-Gojyo. His vision continued to fade._

_He knows what's got to be coming and wills himself not to see; fights to keep himself from turning. But he has no control over his dream body, and he turns to see Sanzo—no, not-Sanzo— lying in a pool of his own blood, the copper tarnishing his golden hair. Goku's world fades completely to red; and then his heart stops._

_They're all dead_

Goku bolted up-right gasping. His vision was still tinged with red. He looked around in confusion trying to figure out what was causing this reaction in him. He was ready to kill. He was feeling a bloodlust that only awakened with his other self, so what would bring him so close to losing control?

_They're all dead_

He leapt from bed. Where were the others? They had been here with him hadn't they? He couldn't remember; his head was all mixed up. If they had been there all along, then where were they? None of their things were in the room, but his were. And there was no way that they'd ever let him have the only bed in the room, yet he had definitely been sleeping in it. Where were they?

Struggling with the fear that was threatening to wash away his consciousness, he rushed down the stairs of the inn. They had just gone to breakfast…that had to be it! They couldn't be dead…not all of them! As he emerged from the stairwell, a beam of sunlight tore into his dilated pupils. He heard himself snarl as he blocked the light from his eyes, and knew that snarling was not a good sign. But as his vision began to clear, he noted that there was a table just beyond the stairs, and its occupants were staring at him…all of them, including the small dragon perched on one of their shoulders. His vision cleared

_Thank the gods!_

Goku stared and Sanzo, Hakkai, and Gojyo like a wild animal caught in Jeep's headlights. This probably didn't look too good. He'd have to make a quick recovery if he didn't want the others to think anything was wrong.

"You guys ate without me…" he said lamely, trying to get his heart to beat at a normal rate.

"It's almost noon, baka." Gojyo commented into the awkward silence that had formed between them. "Were you expecting us to wait for you all day?"

"I guess not." Goku began retreating up the stairs. He had to get back to their room before he totally freaked out. "I'll go get dress now." He turned and fled full speed back the way he'd come.

_They're ok…They're ok…_

He kept repeating the words to himself until he was safely behind closed doors. Then he slid to the ground, back pressed against the door, and wept with relief. His world had almost ended. If anything really had happened to them, it would have all been over. He sat now weeping with relief not only because his family was still alive and well, but also because he knew that if they had not been, if they had all truly been killed, the world would not have survived the wrath of his pain.

Gojyo sat at the table with Hakkai and Sanzo all of them staring at each other in silence. They had spent the morning discussing exactly what they wanted to do in regards to the chibi saru who was still asleep up stairs. Jeep "kyuu"ed mournfully from Hakkai's shoulder at the oppressive silence that lingered over just their table. The rest of the room was pretty loud with the carnival in town and all, but the three travelers were at an impasse. Hakkai had been trying to encourage Sanzo to talk to the chimp about everything. Sanzo was being his usual bastardly self and ignoring everything, and Gojyo was stuck between the two polar opposites as they clashed in their weird silent way. Oh joy.

They were sitting at the table closest to the stairs so that the saru wouldn't miss them when he finally came down. Hakkai had also been kind enough to request that food be set aside and kept warm for him so they wouldn't have to put up with his whining for long…it was almost lunch after all. This was two meals that he had missed in the past two days; definitely not normal for Goku. Gojyo didn't really care what they did actually, as long as they did something. The way things were going, who knew what else could go wrong with this whole mess. He was opening his mouth to say as much when there was the hurried thump of feet on the stairs.

_Here he comes,_ Gojyo thought, _better get the food ready_. He looked up at the stairs, a snide comment about monkeys and beds ready on his lips, but the words died unspoken. As he was preparing to speak, he heard a snarl come from the darkened stairwell where Goku stood in a half crouch shielding his eyes with a hand. That was the fist sign that something was off. As the youth lowered his hand, Gojyo caught a glimpse of wild, slitted pupils. That was definitely a bad sign. The kid was moments away from going completely berserk.

Even as they sat there staring at him, he was visibly struggling to control himself. The noise of the inn went on, its inhabitants oblivious to the fact that they had all just been moments away from very messy untimely deaths. The saru spent a few frightened moments staring at them before speaking.

"You guys ate without me." Gods, his voice was so strained it sounded like he was about to pull something. Seeing as Sanzo and Hakkai were not being particularly talkative at the moment, Gojyo offered a response. They couldn't cause a scene here.

"It's almost noon, baka. Were you expecting us to wait for you all day?" Goku beat a hasty retreat then, mumbling something about getting dressed. Sanzo grunted, Hakkai glared, and Gojyo had had enough of this non-sense.

"Friggin' A! Do I have to do everything around here!" The kappa rose, went to the food counter to collect the boxes of food that had been set aside for the ape, and stalked after the youngest member of their party.

"Oi! Saru!" Gojyo kicked at the door. "Open up, it's meal time!" He heard a muffled scrambling sound behind the door before it finally clicked open.

"Yeah FOOD! You have no idea how hungry I am!" Gojyo eyed the chimp with annoyance. Who did he think he was fooling? Here he was doing his best to act "normal" for them while his eyes were swollen, his hair a mess; he'd obviously been crying. Add that to the little display downstairs a few minutes ago…

"Shut-up and eat." Gojyo shoved the food into the kids face. Goku seemed to finally get that he was caught and took the food without complaint. He shoved a meat bun in his mouth and continued getting dressed. Again there was the awkward silence as the things that no one wanted to say created an ever-growing chasm in the room. Gojyo sighed. It was apparently up to him to begin filling that chasm.

"So are you going to tell me what happened or am I going to have to beat it out of you?" He asked lighting a cigarette. Goku froze in pulling on a boot, glanced up, then turned back to what he was doing.

"It was just a dream," he mumbled not looking up.

"Yeah?" Gojyo mumbled around his cigarette. "It musta been pretty bad to get that much of a rise out of you. What? Did you think we left you, cause if you're worried about that—"

"You died." The words stopped Gojyo mid sentence. He hadn't been expecting that, after all, death was a very real probability in the life they led. "If that were to really happen…if any of you…" The kid couldn't continue…he didn't need to. Gojyo knew all to well the consequences of them dying and Goku going berserk. Nothing would be able to stop him, and he wouldn't stop until nothing was left living in the world.

"But it was just a dream," he said gathering the last of his things and heading towards the door. "Just drop it ok?" Gojyo was struck with a sudden insight about the saru. This quest of his was not just about getting stronger, it was about control; about taming the beast that lived within him, and in doing so, protecting everyone and everything from himself. He all at once felt an odd sense respect for the kid and what he was doing.

"Hey," he called after the retreating youth, "I know this isn't usually my style, but stop trying to act tough about all of this," he took a long drag from his cigarette. "If you need to talk or anything, I'll listen." Goku stopped just outside the door glancing back at Gojyo over his shoulder.

"Thanks," he said simply before heading out, and Gojyo knew he meant it. Apparently their chibi saru was growing up. He chuckled at that thought, gave the room a once over to make sure they hadn't forgotten anything, then headed out to Jeep who was transformed and waiting in front of the inn. He did not comment on the fact that Sanzo was not currently occupying the front seat, the frigid smile on Hakkai's face explained the situation in volumes. He chose also not to comment on the new bedroll he saw tucked amongst the monk's belongings; Gojyo knew that the others had gone out earlier to buy a few supplies, but he hadn't thought that Sanzo would notice the business with Goku's bedroll.

They pulled out into the crowd without a word, and continued their journey. Hakkai spoke quietly to Gojyo asking about the conversation he'd had with Goku, Sanzo sat silently brooding in the back seat, but Goku was oblivious to all of this because he had once again fallen into an exhausted sleep.

Author's Note:

So the story is coming right along…I've got about two more chapters of this plot before the story's over, but fear not! The sequel's already in the works (you'll understand when you read the last chapter.) Thanks to everyone who's read and reviewed…it's your support that keeps me writing!

Right now I'm still trying to figure out how the second half ends, but that's good because it means that I'm completely prepared to finish this story. It shall be done! I do my best to update once a week at least, so please be patient with me. I'm just not a very fast writer. Sorry. Stay with me tho, the best part is yet to come! I really like it at least

Laterz!


	4. But there was nothing

Disclaimer: They're mine! ALL MINE! HAHAHA!

…

or not. Don't sue me. Here's part 4

**IV. But there was nothing.**

While events unraveled in the mortal realm, a messenger made his way to his master's court with news he knew his master would want to hear. He had been observing the actions of Kanzeon Bosatsu and hir aid since the three usurpers were reincarnated and reunited with the heretic creature not long ago. He had waited through all of the petty scuffles and problems, looking for something he could bring back to his master, and this new turn of events might just be what he had been assigned to find. The kami hurried away to deliver the information thinking back on the purpose of his assignment.

While they were in Tenkai, the four had been constant sources of discord. Konzen, now the priest Genjo Sanzo; his foul disposition and superiority complex seemed to have followed him even into his new life, Tenpou, now Cho Hakkai, the damnable marshal who seemed to prefer books over actual people, Kenren, now Sha Gojyo who's irreverence was well known and well reviled throughout Tenkai, and then of course there was the heretic child. At this, the messenger had to shake off a chill; he was after all the unfortunate person who was assigned to fetch the creature after it sprang forth from that rock. Why it was allowed to stay amongst the peace and civility of Tenkai, he would never truly understand, but when the beast was sealed in the cave on Gogyou, he was relieved to think that the higher gods had finally come to their senses.

The other three…the other three had found death in Tenkai, which meant life in the world, and for a time he and those like him agreed that reincarnation was a suitable punishment for such traitors. With the creature locked away, the group would suffer a pathetic existence, weak and impotent, locked in mortal flesh. The alliance they had formed in Tenkai was broken, and they would ever be insignificant shadows in a world of pain and suffering. At least that's how it was supposed to work. The present course of events had changed that.

When he had brought back news that the priest had somehow freed the monkey, his master was very annoyed. When he brought further news that all four of the companions were reunited, it seemed as though there would be no end to his master's rage. As a servant, the messenger understood and shared his master's feelings. Life in the world was meant to be a torment. They were supposed to be helpless. Their enemies never envisioned them as being powerful, respected, and integral to the survival of all humans and youkai alike! It was almost as though they had resumed the roles from their previous incarnations.

Their importance to the balance of the world however was the greatest deterrent to his assignment. His master wanted to find a way to ensure the suffering of those who had dared to defy him, but because they were so involved in the plan to stop the resurrection of Gyumaou, and because the majority of the group were now beings of the world, the Sanzo party was basically hands-off for any being in Tenkai. The _only_ exception to this rule was Kanzeon Bosatsu who was responsible for keeping an eye on the group and making sure they were able to reach their destination. However, the current chain of events might allow for a very interesting loop-hole to open.

Because the heretic was an anomaly in the gods' ultimate plan, he was a special case. As the priest said himself, when dealing with the creature, normal rules didn't apply. The creature was attempting to loose itself from the gods' control. If played properly, this bit of information could be exactly what they needed to show the group the punishment they all so deeply deserved. The messenger smiled inwardly at the thought. He walked into the estate of Li Touten.

_-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --_

_Lonely. Empty. Hollow. Alone. Alone. Alone. alone. _

_Flashes of blood. Stabs of pain. Whose blood? He should know…it was all tied to lonely-empty-hollow-alone. Whose blood, and why was he alone? What was it like to not be alone? It somehow felt as though he should know, but there was this emptiness that was his world, and it seemed to steal any thought of life beyond. This _was_ life. _

_What was it like to hear the voice of another? What did other people look like? Where there other people in the world, or was it just him? But it couldn't be just him, because someone put him in this place; he just couldn't remember who. Whoever had must have done it for a good reason though, right? He must have done something really bad and so now he was being punished. It couldn't last for too long, though. They would come and get him out when he had learned his lesson. They would let him out any day now and he would tell them how sorry he was and ask what he had done so that he would never do it again. _

_Any day now…….any day………………………………………………….._

_Was it possible to die of boredom? Could you really suffocate on silence? Could the emptiness inside of you consume you from the inside out? All of these things had to be true, in which case, death should have claimed him long, long ago. Yet it had not. Somehow, he still existed, continued living despite the fact that there was nothing. Despite the fact that is mind and body itched for contact with another living creature; ANY other living creature. Some sound, some sign of life outside of his prison. Anything to ease the gnawing, aching…only-ness that was his existence. He wanted, no he needed….._something_. Just something._

_But there was nothing._

_-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --_

Goku woke in a cold sweat. His heart was pounding, his head spinning. What the hell had that just been about? Another half remembered dream. His insides were churning, his body aching with a need that he had not felt for a very long time…not since Sanzo had entered his life. He sat trembling in the desert heat struggling to remember the dream, trying to figure out why he was suddenly so terrified of being alone. The presence of his friends had put that fear to rest long ago, yet here he was, near paralyzed by that same old fear.

He looked over to Sanzo who currently occupied the seat across from him, and noticed the monk pointedly ignoring him. It was okay, though. Just having Sanzo so near was enough. He was free now, he didn't have to be afraid anymore. Sanzo, Gojyo, Hakkai, Jeepu…they were all here…he was not alone. Goku took solace from the presence of those who had become his family, and little by little was able to relax, shoving the dream aside. He did not, however, fall asleep again for the rest of the day.

They stopped in the next town to re-supply. It was already near sunset, so they also chose an inn to stay in for the night. This inn was better than the last one. They were able to get two rooms with two beds each. This was good news to Goku because it meant that he would get to sleep in a bed again tonight! The only question was whose company he would be keeping for the night. He like rooming with Hakkai best because he got to play with Jeepu and Hakkai was always nice to him. Both Gojyo and Sanzo always wanted to smoke in the room, and Goku hated that, but given the choice between the two, judging by Sanzo's recent behavior, Gojyo would probably make a better roommate than the droopy-eyed monk.

Obviously the other three had been contemplating the same question, and to Goku's great shock, Gojyo actually called claim to him as a roommate. The second shock of the evening came when Hakkai actually protested the point in his own quiet way. Gojyo and Hakkai were actually fighting over who would get to room with him! On second thought though, after a glance at the irate monk who was storming off to his quarters, Goku realized that the argument was probably less about who _would_ get to room with him, and more about who _would not_ have to room with Sanzo.

In the end, Gojyo won. He had stopped shouting, then whispered something in Hakkai's ear, and with a resigned shrug, the other man gave up. Jeepu offered a mournful "Kyuu" for his friend as the two made their way to the room where a disgruntled monk was already getting settled. Goku and Gojyo made their way up to their room with a bit of good natured bickering and dropped of their things. They ran into Hakkai in the hall way on their way back out.

"I'm on my way into town to purchase supplies. Would either of you like to join me?"

"I wanna go! Hey, Hakkai, if I come with you, you'll buy me something cool right?"

"Bakasaru, bananas ain't in season anymore."

"So Gojyo, will you be joining us as well?"

"Well you know what they say. Ladies dig a guy who can shop."

It turned out to be a really great evening, despite the conspicuous absence of a certain ill-tempered monk. The three wandered back into the inn much later smiling and laughing having actually enjoyed each other's company, but it was late, and they had to get an early start as usual.

Hakkai bid the others goodnight as he and Jeepu entered their room, then all that was left was for Goku and Gojyo to go into theirs and hit the sac. Goku hesitated just outside their door. He knew that the evening would have to end at some pint, and he had hoped that by the time it had, the weird feeling in his stomach would have gone away, but it hadn't, and that might be a problem.

"What is it, saru?" Gojyo asked cuffing him in the head as he shoved past and into their room. "You plannin' to stand in the door way all night?"

"No," Goku pouted as he entered the room after Gojyo and closed the door behind him. "I was just thinking."

"You didn't hurt yourself did you?" The kappa smirked as he changed into his sleep-ware. Goku did not respond once again lost to his thoughts. "Hey, seriously. What's up?" Goku figured that he was being pretty obvious if Gojyo was really asking if he was ok. He decided to go for what usually worked and said what he was feeling.

"It's just that for the past few nights I've been having these really weird dreams." He admitted. "And they always end really badly…at least I think they do 'cause I always end up waking up freaked out. I guess I'm just worried. I'm sick of being scared every night and not knowing why."

The words were greeted with a pillow to the back of his head.

"Since when did you become such a wus?" Gojyo was already in bed lying on his back staring up at the ceiling. Surprisingly, he was not smoking a cigarette, and this was the main sign to Goku that he was seriously listening to him. "If you're gonna get spooked by some dream, you might as well turn around and go home, cause what we've got ahead is probably a lot scarier."

"But—" Goku was cut off before he could protest.

"Besides, I'm right here, and Hakkai and the great and holy Sanzo-sama are right next door. We haven't been beat yet, right? I'm sure we could handle some dumb-ass dream."

"Yeah. You're probably right." Goku said smiling inwardly at the image of Sanzo fighting off some dream monster form under the bed.

"Damn straight I'm right. Now turn off the light already and go the hell to sleep." The kappa rolled over to his side, back to Goku.

"Goodnight, Gojyo." Goku turned off the lights and lay down in bed thinking. Gojyo was right of course. They did face a lot scarier things in real life than he did in his dreams. He really was overreacting. It was strange, but in his own gruff way, Gojyo had said all the right things to make Goku feel better. He was still nervous about sleeping, but he also knew that his friends were near-by and that they would be there when he woke, so it was ok. He could handle the dark dreams as long as he had the bright reality to return to. With these pleasant thoughts in mind, Goku was able to drift off to sleep.

_-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --_

_A kid…almost the same age as he was, maybe a little bit older. An adult was chasing the other kid, he pulled Goku behind a statue to hide. This was the first person he'd run into that he could actually do stuff with. This was EXCELLENT!_

_The other boy asked him his name. Name? He didn't have a name…when he was born, there was no one there to give him one. But the other boy didn't think it was strange. The other boy wasn't afraid when he told him that the others called him a heretic or when he told him that he'd been born form a rock. In fact, the other boy thought that it was amazing! He said that being born from a rock meant that there was no other like him…that he was special…and those words made him happy. He didn't know why, but his heart filled with warmth at the other boy's words._

_They had been caught…no real shock with all the noise they'd been making, but it was okay. Next time he saw the other boy, he would definitely have a name to give him. Until then, he would hold onto the other boy's name and keep it as a precious treasure close to his heart._

_-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --_

"Nataku."

Gojyo probably wouldn't have heard the word had he not been so tuned in to the space where the saru had occupied the night. Normally, Gojyo would have been sound asleep right now, dreaming sweet dreams of girls and sex and cigarettes. Normally, that damned ape would have been the last thing on his mind. Unfortunately, the saru had destroyed all normalcies in their lives which meant that Gojyo had been twilight sleeping for the better portion of the night incase the kid got spooked again for some reason. After all, he had told the kid that he'd chase off his bad dreams. He didn't want to be made liar by sleeping through the crucial moment. As much as he was loathed to say it, as much as he would deny it if anyone confronted him about it outright, he was really worried about Goku, and he would do what little he could to help the kid through this tough spot.

So Gojyo had heard the kid whisper the strange word in his sleep. He knew the moment that Goku was awake when he spoke the word again with more clarity. Gojyo also knew the moment when understanding clicked in the kid's empty head because he was suddenly wrestling with a lap full of saru.

"Gojyo! I remembered!" The chimp cried nearly vibrating with excitement. Gojyo was fairly alarmed by this turn of events. Here he was staying awake half the night in case of bad dreams, and the kid wakes up like this?

"What are you babbling about, dumb-ass? And it'd better be good." Gojyo was taken by the urge to smoke a cigarette, but resisted.

"I still remember the dream that I just had! I think it's actually a memory from before!" Gojyo knew that 'before' referred to the time before Goku had been locked in the cave on Mount Gogyou. This was an interesting development. "There was this kid named Nataku I think he was a friend of mine he seemed really cool—"

The saru was cut off as Gojyo promptly shoved him off the bed and onto the floor.

"Tell me about it when the sun's a little higher in the sky." Gojyo said, and promptly rolled over and fell back asleep.

True to the instructions he was given, Goku told Gojyo all about his dream…at great length…in great detail…for the entire day. By time they stopped for lunch, it took Hakkai, Gojyo, and Jeepu in Jeep form to stop Sanzo from shooting the idiot in the head. By time they had stopped for the evening to set up camp, all were inclined to allow Sanzo to act out on his initial impulse, but then they'd have saru brains all over everything, and it just didn't seem worth the hassle of the clean up…

"Ne, Sanzo! You think he's still alive some where? You think there are other kids who were my friends? You think he remembers me?" Each of the questions had been asked a few hundred times already over the course of the day.

"Goku." Hakkai quickly interjected before Sanzo went totally ballistic. "Perhaps if you dream again, you'll get some answers to these questions."

"You're totally right, Hakkai! I'm gonna get ready for bed right now!" The saru ran off to set up his bedroll, and the others sighed as they were gifted with their first moment of silence of the day.

"Goku seems to be back to his usual self." Hakkai commented, silhouetted in the golden rays of a steadily setting sun. "Perhaps the worst of it is over."

"I don't know." Gojyo commented letting his cigarette hang limply from the corner of his mouth. "I've got a weird feeling…like we're missing something important."

"I'm sure that it's just a lingering concern about the possibility of Goku's other half awakening." Gojyo knew that the words in Hakkai-speak translated to 'I have the same weird feeling but I hoped that it was just me.'

"What's your take on this, corrupt monk." Gojyo turned to Sanzo who was silent as usual.

"Idiots will be idiots," the monk said turning away from the group. Goku had set up his bedroll and was now complaining loudly that he couldn't sleep on an empty stomach. Gojyo shared a look with Hakkai and they both sighed and followed the monk back over to the center of their camp site. Sanzo was in charge of this little joy ride. Gojyo just hoped that the guy knew what he was doing.

_-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --_

**Author's Notes:**

So this chapter was pretty calm…I think the most action we got was in Goku's dream. That's ok, next chapter will make up for that. This was sort of the calm before the storm I guess…

I noticed belatedly that when I load chapters to the page, my section dividers don't show up. I'll be going back through the previous chapters to fix that.

So I'm curious as to whether anyone has caught on to the fact that each chapter title comes from a line within the chapter. And hey, randomly, I'll do some fanart for the first interested party who can correctly tell me the chapter in which the story's title is mentioned. Let's see who noticed…


	5. Let it be done

Thanks to everyone who's read up to this part! Usual disclaimer, not mine, don't sue….here's the end…

**V. Let it be done.**

Goku was happy; seriously, extremely, ridiculously happy. This latest dream had been the most exciting thing to happen to him sense Sanzo had come and pulled him from that cave! He was getting his memories back! The best he could figure was that along with getting around the seal on his power, he was also able to get around the seal on his memories, and this idea was so awesomely great! He loved Sanzo, and Gojyo, and Hakkai, and Jeepu as a family, and nothing would change that, but there always was a part of him that couldn't ignore the gaping hole in his past. He wanted to know who he had been before being locked away, who he had known, what they had been like……and what he had done to deserve such a punishment.

That part scared him more than a little bit. He knew that he might not like the person he had been, but the dream of Nataku gave him hope. The brief memory didn't feel bad; in fact, it had felt really good! He had just been a normal kid hanging out with another normal kid. If he had friends, then he couldn't have been too bad a person, right? There had to be something more going on, and the only way for him to figure out what that was would be to remember everything, so that was what he would do. He was sure he could take whatever the past held, because he had the present to ground him. No problem.

Goku lay on Sanzo's old bedroll after dinner completely content. Sure he had been kinda pissed when Sanzo kept the new one for himself, but deep down, Goku really didn't mind. This bedroll was still strong with Sanzo's scent and even a little bit of his life energy. Goku was please with that last bit the most. Even though the process had taken a lot out of him, Goku could tell that he was indeed getting stronger. He had begun to notice little things like a keener sense of the other's power and life energy around him. There were others things too that he couldn't really describe; all he knew was that he felt stronger, and that was a very good thing.

As he lay drifting off into sleep, he found himself again focusing on the place within him that acted as a barrier between himself and the last of his true power. The barrier seemed different somehow tonight. He couldn't really place what was different, but he had an odd feeling about it. It didn't matter though, after a few more sessions, the barrier would be useless and probably completely disappear. It was probably just a sign that he was getting close.

Ignoring the strange warning he felt, Goku focused on being near his power and waited for the next sip to come….but it didn't. Usually he only needed to wait a few moments for the next piece, but he had been waiting far longer, and still nothing. He was getting concerned. What could be causing this sudden change? May be he needed to be nearer to the barrier. Slowly, he focused his consciousness on having a greater presence near the barrier, and the effect was immediate. Instead of the usual sips of power, a sudden surge of energy burst past the barrier, shattering it and engulfing his conscious mind. The last piece had fallen; memories were flooding his mind, and as all was revealed to him, he felt his mind slip. He had been wrong. He thought that he could handle the past, but he had been wrong. As his conscious mind was consumed by events that had occurred long ago, his last thoughts lie in the hope that Sanzo could stop him before he hurt anyone too badly.

---500 years ago---

It was another perfect day in Tenkai…not that a day in Tenkai could be anything but perfect, but that was beside the point. Today, Konzen was taking Goku to visit with Ten-chan and Ken-nii chan. Ken-nii had gotten into some trouble with the higher kami, and Ten-chan had asked them over to visit, and Goku was really excited to get to come and play with everyone! He and Konzen were walking through a garden full of blooms on the way, and Goku got the idea to get some flowers for Ken-nii. Flowers would definitely make him feel better! Konzen kept walking as the chibi stopped to pick his favorite ones, but it was ok. Goku knew the rest of the way. He'd meet everyone there and surprise them all!

It only took a couple of minutes for the child to gather what he wanted and he was soon skipping merrily to the residential area where Tenpou lived. He paused as he saw that the door to Ten-chan's home was standing open and wondered at that for a brief moment. Usually the grown-ups wouldn't leave the door open when they were inside; Konzen had said something about other people listening in on them when Goku had asked him about it. Goku shrugged off the thought. They were probably just waiting for him to hurry up.

Not wanting Konzen to get annoyed with him, the youth hurried forward to the open door and stopped in horror before crossing the threshold. Both Ten-chan and Ken-nii lay just beyond the entryway, clothes slowly soaking through with a crimson liquid. Goku heard the sound of struggle further inside, then a voice cried out in pain. He recognized the voice, but he didn't want to believe. He didn't want to see, but he knew he had to; if he could help Konzen…

The world suddenly narrowed. Ignoring the bodies that lay unmoving and still bleeding before him, the child rushed forward. The only thing that mattered in that moment was making sure that Konzen was alright. He had to be! He was Goku's entire world; the sun around which his universe revolved!

He had not gone far when he was met with a waking nightmare. Konzen stood clutching his stomach where blood flowed freely from a large gash there. He stood between Goku and his assailant, so the child was unable to so who was tearing his world apart, but in the next moment, a blade fell slashing across the kami's chest and splashing his blood across the room. A spray of the warm liquid spattered the little one's body as his guardian fell, twisting from the strength of the blow.

Goku couldn't look away. The sun was falling from the sky, and darkness was taking over. In the moment that Konzen hit the floor, Goku was there screaming his name. Goku locked eyes with his sun as the last light of life faded from them, and the world was suddenly very cold. He looked up with accusing eyes to the one who had done this, and felt his heart rip for the third time in the past few moments. Standing over him, covered in blood, bearing a sword stained with the blood of every thing dear to him, was Nataku. He would have been the only light left in Goku's world. He had been his friend. How could he do this? How?

Goku became very suddenly aware of the scent of blood. It permeated the entire room, sickly…sweet…metallic…it was the smell of death. It soaked into him as it radiated from the other boy standing before him. He knew that he would never forget the horrible stench. Nataku had not moved, but stared down at Goku in a sort of horrified shock.

"Why?" Goku had not realized that he was going to speak until the words had come out of his mouth, and once they had, a flood gate opened. Every emotion that he had shoved aside for the past few minutes hit him full on and he was screaming and crying and yelling at the other boy.

"WHY? WHY! WHY! WHY?" Goku felt horrible pain all through his body suddenly, but it didn't matter. They were all dead! Nothing mattered anymore! He felt his limiter shatter, then the world faded into a golden haze that graciously offered respite from the agony of reality.

When he was pulled roughly back into the world, he found himself being held painfully by three very large guards, and Nataku looked as though he had been attacked by a wild animal. A kami he recognized as Nataku's father was speaking to the other boy, but Goku didn't care. He was too tired to care. He hurt too much to care. He heard the words and knew that they should spark an emotion of some kind in him, but all he could think of over and over were the chill lifeless bodies of his family that lay somewhere near-by.

"You've seen what the creature has done here! It is an abomination, not to be trusted!" The man was saying to a group of higher kami who had responded to the incident. "It's destroyed without remorse those who were meant to protect him. My son tried to befriend the creature, but see how it repays friendship." Goku was numb to the accusations and lies. Part of him knew that he should be protesting the words, telling the others what had really happened, but it was easier not to think.

Nataku had been ordered to kill him, but the other boy had walked away eyes glazed. He didn't seem to hear any of the voices that called after him. Goku felt a small stab of resentment at that; he would have welcomed the chance to join Konzen and the others in death. Nataku had taken that chance from him too. No kami other than the War Prince was allowed to kill, and without Nataku, the best the other kami could come up with was to lock him away in a sealed cave atop some mountain. Goku didn't care though. They would also be sealing his memories, but Goku was okay with that as well. They could have them for all he cared…he didn't want to remember…

o--o--o--o

It was Sanzo's watch. The fire had burned down to smoldering embers, and aside from the occasional cricket's chirp or buzz of insect wings, the clearing was completely silent. As much as the monk hated to admit it, the scene was a bit unnerving. Hakkai lay curled up with Jeepu, Gojyo lay curled up with his pillow, and Goku lay completely still atop his bed roll…no snoring, no sleep talking, no flailing acts of contortionism, hell, not even a "kyuu" from the damn dragon! This was getting ridiculous! Half the time he was pissed at the ape for being an idiot and even attempting this while the other half he was hoping the saru would be successful; not that he'd ever admit that.

He could tell that Goku was getting very close to his goal. The only question was would he be able to hold out to the end. There really was no turning back for the idiot, but if anyone could pull this stunt off, he was sure that Goku could; for some reason he had a way of getting away with the impossible. In reality, as best he could figure at least, this problem should never have existed to begin with. Goku wouldn't have been born with power he couldn't control. He probably would have grown into that strength as he grew older if the damn gods hadn't put that stupid limiter on him. Now he was allowing himself to have the control he should have had to begin with; it shouldn't be a problem. So why the hell were the others riding his ass about talking to the idiot to make sure he was alright. If there was really a problem, the saru would come to him like he always did. Despite his many failings, Goku could usually take care of himself just fine.

Sanzo scoffed at himself for spending so much time thinking about idiots when he heard a very slight sound and noticed out of the corner of his eye a slight movement where Goku lay. He stood and moved closer to the saru, foreboding clutching at his gut. He stood over the youth and looked down at him where he lay, hair falling freely around his face. His limiter had split cleanly in half and lay in pieces on either side of his head. That must've been the movement he saw.

"Shit." He swore quietly and kneeled to replace the diadem. He heard motion behind him as Hakkai and Gojyo crawled from their sleeping places. They, like him, were extremely light sleepers, especially in light of recent events. They had probably heard him swear.

"What is it?" Hakkai asked coming up beside him.

"Limiter." Sanzo said shortly, hesitating with his hand just above the saru's head. On sudden inspiration, he moved his hand to the youth's shoulder and shook him roughly.

"What the hell are you doing?" Gojyo exclaimed at the action. "If he's not all there, we're saru food!."

"Shut-up," was Sanzo's reply as he shook the ape again. He wasn't responding and that was actually causing him some concern. Suddenly, gold eyes shot open locking with Sanzo's for a moment. The monk felt a moment of relief. The eyes were not all together focused, but they definitely were lacking in the malice that represented Goku's other half; that was definitely a good sign. At least that's what he thought before he found himself hurling across the clearing to land roughly in the grass.

"NO! NO! WHY?" Tears were streaming from the saru's eyes as he kicked out viciously at everything around him, backing against a tree and huddling low to the ground. He was visibly shaking even from the distance away Sanzo was. This was better that the blood thirsty beast, but not by much. What the hell was going on? Goku was staring at the ground apparently horrified by visions that only he could see. They had to get through to him somehow, but how were they going to do that if they couldn't even get close to him? This was the end; Sanzo could tell. The shattered limiter meant that Goku was now privy to his full strength. The last part would be up to them pulling the dumbass out of his own head before his mind shattered under the stress.

o--o--o--o

The events on the surface did not go unobserved. As Goku lashed out at his friends while attempting to master his thoughts and memories, Li Touten had requested an audience with the ruler of Tenkai and had been presenting a case against the creature. The events as they transpired at the moment were completely corroborating his arguments. That damnable Kenren's reincarnation had just tried to approach the beast and was welcomed with a panicked kick from the heretic. Li Touten smiled.

"I've seen enough," the king sighed closing the view of the world below. "It would seem that your claims hold true, Li Touten. The information I have received until this time has presented the creature as being under control by the High Priest Genjo Sanzo. This is obviously not the case." The last word were directed at Kanzeon Bosatsu who stood amongst the others shaking in barely controlled rage.

"What would your suggestion be in handling the situation, Li Touten." The king turned his eyes back to the speaker who had the floor.

"The creature is a menace to all it is around. It should be locked away where it can do no harm." After conferring with his advisors for a moment, the king turned to Li Touten again. "We are inclined to agree with you." He said. "Let it be done." And with that, the decision was made. Li Touten turned a smug grin to Kanzeon Bosatsu who was being restrained by her aid. She shot him a glare that promised that she would be exacting deadly revenge. The kami did not care however; let Kanzeon fume as much as she wanted. Soon, no one would be able to touch him. All was playing out in accordance to _his_ design now.

o--o--o--o

They had been playing this game of touch and go for a while, and Hakkai could tell that Sanzo was getting annoyed. Goku was not making any progress. At this rate…he didn't even want to finish the thought; Goku would be fine. A sudden gunshot rang out through the night and Sanzo was suddenly yelling at Goku and approaching him with no regard for the youth's current condition. Hakkai shot a glance toward Gojyo who shrugged at him in return. They would let Sanzo handle this. He was the best person to handle trouble with Goku after all.

The shot had blown very close to Goku's head and had definitely caught his attention. He was now staring up at Sanzo confusion and pain plain in his weeping eyes.

"Are you gonna stay like that all night, baka!" Sanzo was yelling at him. "Get your ass up so that we can get back on the road." Goku continued staring up at the man coherence finally beginning to wake in his eyes again.

"Konzen?" Hakkai's attention was immediately caught by the name. He had heard it once before, the night that Kanzeon Bosatsu had saved Sanzo's life, she had called him by the same name, but Sanzo didn't know that. A paper fan was produced and succinctly wacked Goku in the head.

"Wrong, try again." The monk spoke in a bored voice, but the intense look he was giving Goku betrayed his true feelings. He was just as concerned as the rest of them. Goku was rubbing his head where he had been struck, but the blow more than anything else seemed to finally be grounding him.

"Sanzo?" The youth looked up with eyes that finally seemed clear and Hakkai and Gojyo both hazarded a few steps closer.

"Who else would it be, bakasaru?" Sanzo looked down at the youth and cracked a rare almost-smile. That had done it. Goku was back with them and completely in control of his full power. "Now get up from there so that we can get out of here." Sanzo reached his hand out to his young charge. Goku looked up at him, full understanding dawning on his face. He knew that he had been successful; all the work that he had done, all that he had been through…it had all been worth it for that moment. A genuine smile formed on Hakkai's lips as he and Gojyo moved forward to help Goku up, but as he reached up a hand to take Sanzo's proffered one, a shackle suddenly appeared at his wrist. The look of joy on Goku's face changed to horror as another shackle formed on his other wrist. He had time enough to lock eyes with Sanzo in a last terrified moment before a final chain clamped around his neck and he vanished completely.

They all stood in shocked silence trying to figure out what had just happened. It had occurred so quickly that Hakkai was having trouble keeping up. Goku hadn't even had a chance to speak before he was gone. What had just happened!

"What the fuck!" Gojyo did a fine job of expressing the group sentiment at that moment. Hakkai knew that only one person in the clearing would be able to offer an explanation of any kind, and he turned to Sanzo looking for answers.

"Sanzo, what just happened?" The monk was still staring in shock at the place where Goku had been moments before. It would not do for him to clam up on them now; it would not be allowed. "SANZO!" Hakkai tried more forcibly. The monk pulled out a cigarette and moved to turn from the other two. Hakkai noticed the slightest tremor in his hand. Gojyo was not willing to accept this behavior and rushed the monk. Before Hakkai fully understood his intent, he had thrown a punch which caught Sanzo square in the jaw and sent him stumbling. His cigarette lay broken on the ground.

"You're gonna tell us what you know, you godless bastard, if I have to beat it out of you!"

Sanzo looked down at the fallen tobacco rubbing his jaw. When he looked up, his eyes were hard and intent on Gojyo.

"You're free to try." He said moving towards the hanyou, and it didn't take a genius to figure out his intent. Before an all out brawl began, Hakkai erected shields in front of each of them keeping them apart.

"Rather than standing here fighting, shouldn't we be figuring out where Goku has gone and how to get him back." He grounded out doing his best to keep his temper in check.

"You want him back? Good luck." Sanzo said, voice dark with some strange emotion. "They've taken him back. The gods were apparently not happy with their plaything cutting his strings so they've taken him back. You want to get him back? Good luck getting to heaven."

With that, the monk stalked off into the woods not glancing back or speaking another word. Hakkai dropped the shields and watched him go. He held Gojyo back as he seemed ready to chase the man down for a true fight. Hakkai was pretty sure that he had placed that foreign emotion from Sanzo's voice. There had been rage to be sure, but just beneath that there was a certain amount of fear and also the smallest hint of loss. It seemed that for once, Genjo Sanzo truly didn't know what to do.

o--o--o--o

This wasn't right. This wasn't how it was supposed to go! He'd done it! He'd mastered his power, he'd gotten stronger, he'd regained his memories, he was no longer a danger…so WHY! Why was he taken away again? Why had they let him be set free in the first place if they were just going to snatch him away from everything he cared about! Where they just toying with him? Was this some kind of twisted joke?

Blind rage consumed the youth even as tears were streaming down his face. It wasn't fair…it wasn't right. This time they had buried him so deep that there was no hope of anyone stumbling across him. He was either surrounded by darkness or his vision had been sealed because he could see nothing of his surroundings, but he knew by feel that there was nothing familiar here. He was definitely not back in his cave prison from before.

Reality finally came crashing in on him like a physical blow and he found himself gasping for air. He wouldn't survive another 500 years of this, he'd go mad, and everything he'd done would have been for nothing. Consumed by rage and terror, Goku curled down onto the floor and wept in earnest. If the god's had put him here, there was no hope of the others coming to set him free. This really was the end.

**Author's Notes:**

Ok ok…put the pitch forks and torches down. There's more coming. The second half of this story however has a very different mood to it than this one….gets way darker and stuff with more swearing and probably more violence, so yeah…I decided to do this in two separate stories. The next part is already in the works so sit tight. I promise to get it out ASAP…Keep reviewing tho…it's my motivation for writing and when I don't see reviews I sometimes forget to make the time for writing.

Thank you to all of you who have been reviewing! You provide the motivation that keeps me writing and since I love to write, you all are helping me tons! THANX! You ROCK!


	6. Epilogue

Disclaimer: Not mine; don't sue

**VI. Epilogue**

Sanzo stood in the darkness of the forest listening to the distant sounds of argument as Gojyo turned his rage on Hakkai. The Kappa could be extremely creative with his swearing when he was angry, but the monk wasn't paying much attention to the words that were being screamed a ways away from where he was. He was too busy trying to gain control of his own feelings. Sanzo was having trouble understanding what was going on inside of him at the moment, but he knew that he didn't like it. What he also didn't care for was the whispering voice telling him things about himself that he didn't want to accept.

Goku was gone. This was a fact that he could do little to change at the moment. The gods had made a decision, and there was little he could do to alter it, but though it was a hindrance to their journey, the situation was nothing more than that. Things would probably even go easier now that they wouldn't have to spend so much time stopping for food. At least that was what Sanzo wanted to believe. He didn't want to accept the gnawing pain in his chest, or the sudden hollowness inside of him the moment that the saru had been snatched away. He didn't want to accept the fact that Goku had been important to him because it would mean admitting once again to failing to protect something precious to him, and that was unacceptable.

It was better to just keep going. He wasn't done yet, not by a long shot, but they had to deal with the problem at hand. It would be fairly difficult to kick the asses of whatever kami decided to take his property while fighting off armies of demon assassins, so they would move on; continue west. And once they were done with Gyumao, they would deal with heaven. Goku may have been an annoying idiot, but he would not stand for anyone else taking the idiot away. Sanzo threw away his cigarette butt and turned to rejoin the others.

o—o—o—o

See what happens next in the continuing saga! The sequel to this tale is called _Control_. Look it up in my archives! Chapter 1 is up!


End file.
